Is he really the same? Can we be together for life? In serious relationships, each of us sooner or later asks such questions. How can we recognize true love?
What is love? A feeling that gives absolute happiness? Or an experience that plunges into emotional chaos? Neither one nor the other. Even mutual love does not give a sense of harmony and serenity. But she cares and shakes us and after years. Love is a multifaceted feeling, here are its components.
Image credit: StockSnap
SEEING IN ANOTHER MAN, THE RIDDLE
Love is a mysterious feeling. We feel it, but we do not understand it. The power that draws to a person is inexplicable. We aspire to it not because we like how it looks, it is rich or endowed with power, not because it looks like someone from a parent or other significant person. If your union can be explained logically – “she replaced his mother” or “they are together for money”, there can be no talk of true love. In her case, we are always led by a mystery.
“Love refers to our unconscious: to some childish experience, loss or yearning for something that we could not get. It affects that part of the personality that is unknown to us, “explains psychoanalyst Patrick Lambule. That’s why it’s a mistake to think that there must be two “halves” in the relationship that give birth to something whole. – It is in this view that the reason why many married couples break up. When a person in a relationship feels unsaid, he can decide: this is not his half. But this, of course, is not so. ” To love truly means always to remain intrigued by the mystery of another person. ”
TO BE AFRAID TO LOSE
And constantly. And not only another person, but also himself, having dissolved in it. In the work “Dissatisfaction with Culture” Sigmund Freud gives an explanation of this phenomenon: “We fall into dependence on the other, because we constantly need him to support us in our existence.” Hence the fear of loss.
Image credit: Olessya
“Love means risk,” explains the philosopher and psychoanalyst Monica Schneider. “This feeling is so dizzying that we sometimes even want to reject it, in order to protect ourselves from the frightening power of another person over us.”
If we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in a new and wonderful territory
“It’s hard to give up on yourself,” explains psychoanalyst Jean-Jacques Moskovitz. “Love always brings torment.” It affects our very being – what we are in this world. Few realize this. Once alone, they enjoy it, because they feel protected. But if we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in a new and wonderful territory, where feelings are revealed with renewed vigor. ”
True love is not a successful business transaction. The whirlpool of feelings is a danger to both partners. Therefore, we often doubt the other. But even if he tries to step back, it does not always mean that he does not like. Perhaps he is just afraid to lose himself.
BE READY TO MAKE A STEP IN UNKNOWN
In love, nothing is predetermined in advance. No one can guarantee that feelings will be permanent, and a joint life is a long and happy life. “Love relationships are a special world in which everything is not governed by reason,” explains Monica Schneider. – But do not tune yourself to the worst.
Sometimes, because of the past experience of unsuccessful relationships, we pre-convince ourselves in advance that we are doomed to suffering. In order to truly love, one must be able to re-believe in a miracle, accept the unknown and learn to be patient. ”
Here, at first glance, everything is simple: to love a person is to desire it. Studies confirm that physical intimacy helps maintain relationships, do not let the fire of love fade. Without sharing caresses lovers turn into roommates. You can have sex without love, but when it is, intimacy gives true pleasure.
Image credit: adi_ribeiro
If the desire weakens, does this mean that the relationship is exhausted? Not at all! Our feelings are influenced by many factors, they are cyclical and constantly experiencing periods of ups and downs. You may not want to be intimate now, because you are simply tired, ate too much or not enough, experiencing stress or, conversely, pleasantly excited about some grandiose changes. “There are days when it is enough for us that a loved one is just next door,” explains Monica Schneider.
FEEL THEMSELVES YOURSELF
“To be loved is to feel that you have a right to exist,” said philosopher and writer Jean-Paul Sartre. True love is the acquisition of the meaning of its existence in the world.
Love brings us back to childhood, when it gives the feeling that everything in the world revolves around us. Choosing each other, we make each other special. In relations we give the second person special importance. We recognize its importance: we respect his views and hobbies, we accept his ideals.
Another person brings us his world, and we give him our own. This allows you to experience new feelings and open new horizons. “Love helps to see all the colors of life,” sums up Monica Schneider. “Real love helps you feel alive.”